Can You Be Too Hands On?

 No, I am clearly not talking about me. I tell Alexis to "try doing it yourself" and "just a minute, I have to finish this first" way too many times in a day. That topic can be a guilt-ridden post for another day. The completely hands-off moms are also a topic for another day (get off your iPhone and talk to your kid for one second! Didn't you choose to stay home and raise your child?). Today I have to discuss the too hands-on moms at the park. I have seen things of this nature many times, but I saw a ridiculous mother the other day that actually inspired this blog post. Perhaps the term ridiculous is too harsh, but I am rarely accused of mincing my words and being too gentle.

 I am all about talking with your children and having fun with them and being a part of the activities, as opposed to just sitting on the sides with coffee and another mom all day every day. But it is okay to let your kid do a little exploring and playing and doing on his own. Please stop following your 3-year old around the entire park with your hands outstretched like he is going to break his neck with every step. Please stop encouraging him to go interact with every new kid that comes to the playground. Please stop putting him into and taking him out of the swing every 3 minutes. Please stop chattering at him about everything he sees, hears, and feels. And most of all, when having a conversation with another adult who is at the bottom of the climbing wall, please don't sprint away in mid-sentence because your preschooler is about to come down the slide and you aren't waiting at the bottom with a huge smile and an encouraging "good for you, Logan!".

 He is 3 years old and will be in school in 2 years. How can he ever make friends with your incessant hovering and meddling? He might fall. He will get up and try again. He may get turned away by a peer who doesn't want to play with him. Wipe off his tears, give him a hug, and send him back out there. When he fails a test, it is him who needs to study harder next time, not you. When he gets dumped by a girlfriend, it is him who will have to mend his broken heart and ego, not you. When he doesn't make the Varsity football team, it is him who will have to find another activity to fill his Autumn, not you. Relax a little, mom.

 As parents, we need to be our child's advisory council, therapist, nurse, tutor, nutritionist, coach, and cheerleader. Most importantly, we need to figure out how to always let our children know we love them no matter how much they fail, fall, or disappoint. We need to dispense hugs and kind words, but withhold the judgement. We need to discipline, but not punish. We need to let them live their lives and help them when they need it and ask for it. This starts by letting the toddler wear whatever garish outfit she picks out before heading to the grocery store. And allowing the Kindergartner to try ice skating even though he is the klutziest kid in the history of the world. And letting your 9 year old go to that first sleepover, even though you are pretty sure she will call you at 11pm crying and wanting to come home. And encouraging your Freshman in high school to try whatever extracurricular they are interested in, even though you know he will never make the final cut for the musical since he cannot carry a tune.

 Let the freedom begin at the playground. Let your child go and play. Of course interact with him some of the time, but also let him just be. He will be okay entertaining himself and figuring out how to fill his time at the park. He knows you are over there loving him the whole time. And because you already enjoy playing with him, he also knows he has someone to eat his pretend cookies when he is ready to take them out of his toy oven.

Daddy Has Returned--Blessing or Curse?

 I realize I have not been blogging much since Nick left his old job, took a week off, and began his new job with much better hours. It is like I actually have a life again and am busy living it instead of writing about it. However, did I mention that my husband is now home all the time? Okay, perhaps only weekends, every other Friday, and by 6:30 during the week, but it feels like all the time. My kingdom is being disrupted.

 I missed dual parenting and having someone else around to laugh with when our kid does something ridiculous. I missed being able to make plans with other couples. I missed watching Gopher basketball, Twins baseball, and Packer football with another rabid fan (sports are just not as much fun on your own!). I have my partner and best friend back. I have Alexis's father back. I have someone to help with chores and do man-jobs around the house.*

 But. There's always a "but". I have to give up control now. I no longer make all the decisions about outings, schedules, TV watching, food, etc. There is another adult in the house who has an opinion! No one warned me that it would take me longer to adjust to a positive change like this. I was fed up with solo parenting and making all the decisions. However, being judge and jury, while exhausting, is also quite a strong feeling of power not easily relinquished. Furthermore, when the child was in bed, the house was mine. Mine to do anything I wanted. I could enjoy the quiet or listen to music loudly. I could make whatever vegetable and flaxseed dish I wanted for dinner and eat when I wanted. I could go to bed at 8:30 without so much as a sarcastic comment about how lame I was. That part was kind of nice.

 That being said, I wouldn't go back. I am enjoying having Nick home, able to watch Alexis as she is right now. Not looking at pictures and hearing stories of our adventures, but being a part of them. Living with us as a husband and father, not just as the guy who funds our house and bills. I may not have the time to blog as much about my days but that is because there is a wonderful man in the house making me laugh, occasionally making dinner, and even changing a few diapers. My husband is back and I love it.

*Nick removed the old and installed the new over-the-range microwave and lifted and cleaned our moldy bathroom flooring all in one weekend.

Pumpkin--The New Superfood?

  It is that time of year; I am becoming obsessed with pumpkin. One half-cup serving of pureed pumpkin has only 40 calories, ½ g of fat, 4g net carbs, and 2g of protein. Who can’t benefit from adding 5g of fiber to their diet? It should be considered one of the superfoods! I am experimenting with recipes and seeing what will benefit from the addition of pumpkin.

  I make my own pumpkin café au laits, pumpkin cream cheese, and pumpkin smoothies. I add it to plain hummus and mashed potatoes. But the most creative place I have used it is in chili. Seriously! Using a 3:1:½ ratio, take your basic homemade chili and add pumpkin puree and chopped green chilies. It adds health benefits and richness to a cool-weather staple.

  And for anyone with children who need a nutrition boost in their diets, try adding pumpkin to oatmeal or pancakes. If you have a child that will falter at the thought of pumpkin, you can try to hide it in basic tomato sauces or use it in the cooking water next time you make rice. Alexis actually eats pumpkin puree by itself with a spoon. I stir in a little agave nectar, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger and she chows down.

  The following recipe for Pumpkin Pancakes comes from Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on The Food Network.

Pumpkin Pancakes

  The other idea is to use pumpkin in a much more classic way, such as in a dessert. Nothing beats autumnal treats as Halloween and Thanksgiving creep closer. The following recipe is for pumpkin cookies.

Pumpkin Cookies

  Of note, when I make these cookies, I make it a generous ¾ c of pumpkin and I omit the raisins in favor of chopped walnuts.

  Happy pumpkin eating!

A Magic Moment

The following moment occurred while we were on vacation. Alexis is quite a spitfire. Like most toddlers, she is constantly going, going, gone. Add a fun new location to the mix and we had a little tornado on our hands! However, on our last day in San Francisco, we went down to the waterfront and Alexis played in the sand. She was calm, tranquil, and happy while she watched a ship in the port. It was impossible not to watch her, completely mesmerized. It was magical.

This is my link-up for Shell's My Magic Moment.

Suburban Hell--Keeping Up With the Joneses

  I am not immune. I find myself constantly noting where Alexis falls on her age scale. Is she big enough? No. Is she verbal enough? Yes, she could give grade-schoolers a run for their money. Is she coordinated enough? No, total klutz (Nick's genes). Is she artistic? Musical? Competitive?

  I heard it at the park the other day when I was chatting with a couple other moms about preschool. Mom A was discussing the advantages of a $395/week Montessori over a "cheap" daycare with a curriculum. I am pretty sure cheap is still around $200/week. She was talking about how she felt totally uncomfortable even walking around the daycare, in fact, I believe her actual phrase was "I wanted to shower as soon as I got home" followed by peals of giggles. When Mom A made that remark I glanced at Mom B assuming she would mirror my slight horror at what was just said, but she was laughing too. Mom B responds with "I don't even know why lower income kids bother with preschool. They will be behind in school anyway." Why am I talking with these women?!? Oh, and for the record, I was at a park in a wealthy suburb where there really aren't any low income kids and the daycare is likely more immaculate than my house. Wait, that doesn't say a whole lot. Well, either way, by no means is the daycare filthy, gross, or unhygienic. And I bet it has the same educational standards at the Montessori school down the street.

  Anyway, this conversation continued with both mothers comparing their preschoolers. They asked how old my daughter is and when I said "She is only two and a half, so no preschool for us yet! We are just doing ECFE once a week", I was promptly mentally dismissed. How tragic. I stayed to listen though because I couldn't believe how arrogant these two women actually were, essentially just because their husbands make a lot of money which affords them luxuries others aren't privy to.

  This was the conversation, with some mild paraphrasing due to the fact I am not a journalist and don't own one of those nifty recorders.

Mother A: "Bella actually counts up to 2 now. I could just listen to her all day counting her dollies, 1-2."

Mother B: "That is so precious! Eddy won't count. It might bore him. He is much more physically active. He tries so hard to tie his shoes like his older brother, but they are velcro!"

A: "How adorable! I am sure Bella could tie her shoes if we were working on that. But we are encouraging her to follow her interests. She could play with her dollies all day. Just counting them. We should get her more dollies so we can hear her count higher! Does Eddy say his alphabet yet?"

B: "Yes of course. He almost writes his name too! It looks a little like squiggles but he knows what he is trying to write."

A: "My Bella just won't sit long enough to learn to write. I bet she could write her name if she had more focus. But if she is not a focused kid, then we will just learn to deal with that. We are very loose in our house, we give Bella her freedom. That is why she needs Montessori. They can help her focus."

  I could go on and on because this inane conversation went on and on. Mercifully, Alexis came over shortly after and asked to swing. In fact, she said quite clearly in her piping little voice "Mom, can you push me on the baby swing?" She is very articulate and I love that I can communicate so clearly with her (and have been able to do so for months!).

  Yes, she now calls me Mom and yes, I can brag too.

Life Is Settling Down

  Thank God.

  I haven't posted in awhile due to absolute turmoil at home and literally no time. August was an emotional whirlwind. First, we went on vacation. Then, we came home from vacation. Nick went to work the following day and was told we were relocating to Eastern Washington, however, he was still going to be on night-shift Turnaround all of September. I was going to be relocating us practically by myself. Oh yeah, and doing it all with Alexis. Finally, after beginning to pack, locate a renter for our home, and coordinate all those obnoxious moving details, Nick got a job offer from a company he had interviewed with a couple months earlier.

  Every now and then the stars align and you actually get what you are hoping for and, needless to say, Nick accepted this new position and job offer. As of October, Nick will have the job he wants, working normal hours, every other weekend is a 3-day weekend, and no more Turnarounds. We both get the location we want, since I don't think either of us really wanted to leave Minnesota. It may be brutally cold in winter and stiflingly humid in summer, but it is home. And it has been for 12 years.

  This is simply a post to say sorry for the absence but I swear I had my reasons. Now back to normal. Or rather, better than normal.

San Francisco