Right Now

Well. It has been awhile. I don't even remember what font I was using. I'm going with Georgia because it suits me right now.

Right now. Two words that resonate with most children. When do you want your ice cream? Right now. When should you stop throwing grill ash through our screen? Right now. Alexis Grace its bedtime! No, not later. Right now.

Frankly, it also rings true for me throughout the day. When do I want the baby to stop crying? Right now. When should the children go to bed? Right now. When am I going to write my next blog entry? Right now.

There is no better time to jump back into this than right now. Nick has Alexis at swimming class and he took Justin with him. This has become the tradition on Sundays since Mother's Day. Its the time I most look forward to during the week. Yes. My time without my children and husband is my favorite time of the whole week. I spend 6 days, 22 hours, and 25 minutes with my offspring every week. I feel totally okay enjoying my short bit of peace, quiet, and solitude. In fact, its going on as I write this. Its happening right now.

So much to do!  Vacuuming, laundry, dishes, pumping, change my bed linens, change Alexis's bed linens, oh God when was the last time I changed Justin's crib sheet? Should I go to the bathroom with no company? Should I scrub the tub because there will be no interruptions?

Here is what I am choosing to do right now. Take a hot bath (by myself! not squeezed into naptime!) and finally update my sad, lonely blog. I am taking care of me. I am enjoying a moment of personal time. I am reacquainting myself with myself. 

Is that so bad? Should I feel guilty? I don't think so. After all, at the end of the day, I have me and myself alone. I better not forget who I am, what I like to do, what I think, and what makes me laugh. I need to remember all the areas I can better myself and all the ways I am an awesome person. I need to be so comfortable with myself that I can honestly and thoroughly help two other people discover all that they can about themselves. People who are just entering the world, just beginning to navigate their ways into this expansive universe in which we live. People who look to me to guide them and make sense of life. People who want me to kiss away tears at the same time as make them roar with laughter. I need to know how to do all of those things for me before I can attempt to help others; an airplane mask of life's lessons needs to be worn by me before putting it on my children. 

Its a good thing this post is ending, my bath is tepid, and I can hear the garage door opening. Its wonderful that I have taken this time to think about me. So I can give the best hugs, ask the best questions, make the best dinners. So I can happily, gratefully, and fully think about them. Right now.

I cannot believe my last post was March 2012

    And I cannot believe it discussed procreation. And a desire for #2. And how ready I thought I was.

    Because #2 is showing up any day now. Apparently I did not think pregnancy was worth blogging about. Regardless, our family is expanding very shortly. I was ready at conception. I thought I was ready if you would have asked me in July or October. But now? HAHA. Nick, Alexis, and I have such a beautiful rhythm  in our lives right now. It is a struggle to think how we will adjust to a new little one. I know we will but I am going to have to live it to truly believe it. 

    This pregnancy was challenging. From the get-go, it was not as simple as my first one. I felt off much of the summer and never completely comfortable in my skin. Then I way overdid it physically on a vacation right around 20 weeks and landed myself on bedrest with a cervical stitch for 15 weeks. 15 weeks! With a preschooler at home. And a husband who works long hours. Luckily, everything with the baby is fantastic. He (yes, HE) has baked to completion and is now just waiting to pull the rip cord. 

    I wish he would have told me this past Autumn to not worry, he's not coming out. It would be lovely if babies in utero could communicate and tell us when to panic and when to just go with the flow. Actually, it would be nice if babies not in utero would do that as well! Interpreting baby noises, grunts, cries, and facial expressions is in my very near future. 

    Maybe my 4 year old will be able to interpret for me.