I was at the park the other day and was talking to a mom of a just-turned 3 year-old. She was avidly complaining about her inability to shed the last 20lbs of baby weight. I mentally questioned the term "baby weight" 3 years post-birth, but to each her own. During our 15 minute conversation, I saw this mother consume a small bag of Skittles, 2 smushed Reese's peanut butter cups, half a PB&J, a few goldfish crackers, and a can of Coke.
Let me preface any further discussion of this topic with the fact that I am not naturally svelte. I have to exercise and eat responsibly to maintain a semblance of "thin". Don't get my husband started on "Mel snacks". I will give you a hint--think flax, spelt, vegetables, or some combination of the 3. Either way, if someone doesn't want to be responsible for what they put in their body, fine, but please don't waste my time complaining about the consequences. Accept your habits and the correlating weight and move on.
As the whining reached a fever pitch, I had to interrupt her. I could not help myself. I inquired as to her diet and exercise lifestyle. Believe me, I was all set to suggest a couple of uninvited weight loss tips. She explained how she never eats breakfast, has only small lunches and dinner, doesn't believe in snacking, and has to have a glass of Pinot Gris at night to settle her nerves. She also said she is just really tired all the time and has no time or desire to exercise after an entire day with a 3 year-old. Her last remark hit a chord. Despite all the nutritional misinformation within her answer, I avoided advising her to be more honest with herself about her habits. Instead I gave her my gut reply, that I totally understand feeling like there is no time to exercise and the couch looking more inviting than the treadmill. Believe me, this was not lip-service.
I enjoy exercise. I feel great after a workout. However, after having Alexis, I find it extremely difficult to get going some days. In fact, due to the depressive nature of this past winter in Minnesota, I took an unfortunate and unexpected hiatus from formal workouts and relied on chasing around Alexis to burn calories. I can tell you, there is not the endorphin high from that kind of exercise as the sweat-dripping kind from the gym. It feels good to really get my body moving. That being said, there are some days I just don't want to go work out and I want to eat a big bowl of ice cream after dinner. And you know what, I feel good about those days too.
The real point of this post has nothing specifically to do with exercise and calories. It has everything to do with acceptance. Don't make excuses to a virtual stranger at the park who you fear is judging you and your extra 20lbs. Don't let yourself believe that there are perfect people/parents/bodies out there. We are all flawed and all need to just deal with it. You will feel better once you start embracing your flaws and your strengths and even viewing your perceived traits in a different light. Yes, my park compatriot feels she is 20lbs too heavy, but perhaps she is the best singer of "B-I-N-G-O", a wonderful preschool zoo chaperone, and does the most impressive voices while reading bedtime stories. Maybe her son loves having a mom who has a little softness to her because that means she gives the most fantastic loving bear hugs. It's possible her husband has never noticed the baby weight because she is such a terrific mother to his child.
How can we teach our children to accept themselves and others, if we cannot model that behavior for them? Shouldn't we show them how its done?
Being direct and honest has no hidden agenda but can leave you feeling like you have an incurable case of verbal diarrhea. Sometimes you leave a situation, not wishing you had avoided the truth, but that you had just held your tongue. When our 15 minutes was over and it was time to go our separate ways, the last thing I said to the mom at the park was that I bet she's a fabulous mother and I am sure her son thinks she is beautiful. She gave me a huge smile. Maybe I will skip the exercise-fueled endorphin rush tonight and think about that smile instead. While I am enjoying a big bowl of ice cream.
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