Potty Training - A Parent's Everest

   I haven't heard of a Kindergartner going to school not being potty trained. So why all the fuss, stress, and worry over the toilet? Some parents do infant potty learning, many parents begin when their child is a toddler, and a few others are forced to wait until their child is old enough that intense bribery works.

  There is pressure from society ("most children are trained by 2"), grandparents ("you were out of diapers by 18 months; one day I just said 'sit on the potty' and you did it), and daycare centers ("our policy is that your child cannot move into the preschool room until he is 33 months or potty trained"). But in reality there are basic body functions that cannot be forced, barring medical intervention via tubes, if the child is not ready, like sleeping, eating/drinking, and excreting.

  Alexis is not quite 2.5 years old. Since she has always been a fastidious child and a fast learner, I bought some underwear before she showed any interest. Being the Type A freak I am, I wanted to make sure that if she wanted to wear panties one day I would be prepared. Well, about a month ago she did decide that she wanted to wear underwear and try sitting on the potty. Over the course of 8 days, she had many makes, became an expert at holding her pee (I am talking for like 7+ hours), many misses, and never once attempted a poop. Her biggest hurdle was focus; pausing in her day to go sit on the potty and focus for just a couple seconds before resuming her activity. Then one day, about a week later, she went cold turkey on the training and requested diapers again. Okay by me.

  That last statement is the amazing thing in all of this. For me, I think I handled the Alexis-led potty training as well as I am ever going to. I was anxious about it because I want her to succeed. But I didn't vocalize any of my frustrations. I think Alexis felt relaxed to make the choice, to pee or not to pee.

  I currently believe Alexis doesn't have the emotional maturity to work on potty training and lacks a little body awareness. Again, part of the learning is knowing when you have to go (pee-check), being calm enough to eliminate in the potty (pee-check), and being able to tear yourself away from your toys to go do it (eh). When I say body awareness, I am referring to BMs. Just yesterday we were upstairs right before Quiet Time and she was running around naked. When she chooses to be naked, I remind her that since she is not wearing diapers she needs to try to go in the potty because we do not pee on the floor. "Okay Mommy!". So she is playing and then she stops and looks at me, bends over a little, and says "Mommy I toot!". I looked at the floor and said "No, Alexis you pooped." This little girl is a rule-follower who loves announcing her toots. Clearly she doesn't quite have the difference between fecal states of matter down yet. Good to know in terms of potty training.

  I am sure Alexis will reach an age at which I get more frustrated if she isn't grabbing the concept of using the potty. In another year if this is still an issue, I will likely be implementing the sticker charts, M&Ms, and big prize techniques that are more appropriate for a preschooler. But until then, I am approaching it in a very she-will-get-it-when-she-gets-it approach. I make sure she knows she is loved whether she pees in the potty, diapers, or her underwear. I encourage all parents to just relax and let your kids lead you down the path of using the potty. They will get it.

  I will end with the following vignette. Alexis knows the proper anatomical body part names of everything. Yes, everything, and she has known them for months. She likes information and I see no need to teach her cutesy names for things. That being said, about a week ago, we came inside from sand and water play. Because it was right before bedtime, she was naked before we went upstairs to get ready for sleep (I swear she wears clothing most of the time). I reminded her that since she is not wearing diapers she needs to try to pee on the potty or tell me she needs a diaper. She instantly ran over to the potty. Being that Alexis is a rule-follower, I thought there had been a miscommunication and she thought she needed to sit on the potty regardless of personal need. I told her once that she doesn't need to sit on the potty unless she needs to go. "Okay Mommy!". After a couple minutes of sitting spread eagle on her potty chair, Alexis unabashedly looks down between her legs and exclaims "Mommy! My vagina is working today!". She peed. Hooray for small victories and the simple excitement of a toddler.